How to get your Inner Stage Mom to Chill Out


A few months ago, a friend told me she had a dream about me.

I was driving in a convertible along the California coast.

My hair was wet and piled high on top of my head.

She said I had a look of total peace and well being, and that being near me brought her an instant state of relaxation.

I was deeply moved by hearing this dream.

The same day I happened to be listening to a podcast about “creating your future self.”

The gist of it was, who you are today is a product of who you’ve been the last few years, and that if you want to change, you’ve got to start acting like your future self, now.

I understand the truth behind this is well intentioned and wise, but here’s where it gets tricky.

When I envision acting as my future, convertible driving, wet-hair-in-a-bun during the golden hour self, I feel an overwhelming need to change everything, NOW.

This directive comes form a loud, dominating voice inside I like to call my Inner Stage Mom (ISM for short).

My ISM loves me. Alot. But how she expresses her love is to shove me into the spotlight before I’m ready, make me dance until my toes bleed, and then manipulate me by convincing me I’d be nowhere without her pushing.

She’s the part of me that’s desperate for change, not because of a desire to see my potential fulfilled, but because she doesn’t want to feel the inevitable pain, tenderness and grief that comes with being human.

She is convinced that the solution lies in quick fixes and external change.

But here is, once again, the tricky part.

Since she comes from a place of love, trying to cast her out doesn’t work.

She’s a part of me whether I like it or not.

So they only option is to love her, welcome her, and simultaneously not give her any decision making power.

I’m reminded of Wild Geese by Mary Oliver:

You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

The soft animal of my body is not so much concerned with my ISM, nor is it concerned with becoming my future self.

It is perfectly cozy, right here right now.

It still craves change and potential fulfilled, but like nature itself, is in no rush.

It is happy to give my Stage Mom the spotlight she needs, but it is not intimidated by her demands.

And in that curious, quiet attention, my Stage Mom softens and relaxes.

No need for a muzzle. She quiets on her own.

Wherever this message finds you today, may you be able to beautifully furnish your future self without abandoning your present self, one deep breath at a time.

Loving you softly,


P.S. - There are officially only two spots left for the Sensual Living Retreat, November 6-10th.

If you want to slow down, be in your body, take in the beauty of nature and ground into your spirit, this autumn retreat is for you!

The retreat is being held at a gorgeous home on the French Broad River in the Blue Ridge Mountains, only a 20-minute drive from the Asheville airport.

Have questions? Go ahead and email me personally at and I’ll be happy to answer them myself.