Episode 16 - Pt. 2 Tending Your Resplendent Feminine Nervous System
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They always say the first year after a divorce is the hardest.
That first year was very hard.
But year 2, 3, 4 and 5 were hard too.
Too hard.
When I suddenly got divorced in 2013, it was like my life imploded.
A few months later, my father passed away after a sudden bicycle accident.
This, along with a few other significant life events over an 18 month period, permanently altered my identity, and my sense of safety in the world.
I used to be a person who believed things would always generally be ok. But these events, one on top of the other, had whittled my resilience down to a nub.
I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t trust. I had lost all desire. I was using work to numb and isolate, was having frequent panic attacks and long bouts of frightening depression.
One night, while I lay awake at 3am, I started researching PTSD.
I burned with shame as I typed those four capital letters.
I was a white, privileged middle aged woman who had been through initiations that almost every human must go through, like the death of a loved one, and the ending of a relationship.
Who was I to be researching PTSD?
Why wasn’t it getting any better?
What was wrong with me?
Then, my therapist said something that clicked everything into place.
“When the infrastructure of the nervous system is shaky to begin with, a difficult life event can bring the whole house down.”
That hit the nail right on the head. In that moment, I stopped treating myself as a frail, depressed anxious person. I started treating myself as a person who had been through trauma events, whose thoughts and perceptions had been warped into a permanent state of fear and dread.
I started studying the nervous system, mind/body connection, and body-based healing with an insatiable hunger.
Tools like breath, mindset training, and meditation were lifesavers, and helped get me back to a baseline level of safety and sanity where I could start building again.
Then, a miracle happened.
I started to feel desire again.
Desires formed bright green buds in my heart like a cherry blossom tree in Spring.
Now that my nervous system had been reconditioned, I could focus on things other than my own survival.
I expanded my (self-designed) nervous system prescription plan. In addition to the basics of stress management, I started to research, what are the needs of my unique body and mind, when it comes to feeling alive, filled up, inspired and connected?
That’s what today’s episode of the podcast is all about.
You’ll learn:
The difference between the injury model and the nourishment model when it comes to healing
How sometimes relaxation techniques can actually increase anxiety, and what to offer your system instead
How to understand the unique needs and desires of your feminine biology
6 unique ways to tend the garden of your nervous system in a way that feels beautiful, feminine and nourishing
This series being offered in celebration of my new Embodied Intelligence Coaching Program. This incubator style, 12-week program includes 8 one-on-one sessions and live group rituals every month. Because I still pursuing my certification, it is being offered at a one time only reduced rate.
The reason I am so enthusiastic about this style of coaching is very simply, because it works.
I have not just witnessed it, I have felt and lived the transformation myself.
Click here to learn more and schedule a conversation.
With Love,
Mary