Showing Up For The Mystery

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SHOWING UP FOR THE MYSTERY

A few weeks ago I was in Tulum Mexico, assisting at a dear friend’s first retreat.

I had intended to be in the harmony of the retreat, flowing in and out of the sessions, bonding with the women in between.

But the day I got there, I got smacked down with a fever.

Followed by a migraine with my left eye swollen like a puffer fish.

Followed by a sciatic flare up.

And basically spent almost every day in bed.

I felt so resentful at my body and so angry at God.

Vestiges from my religious upbringing carried hints of punishment and unworthiness into my thoughts.

When I went to pray as I do almost every morning, I had very little to say.

It felt like God and I were a couple, arms crossed on opposite sides of the couch with nothing to say to each other.

But I still showed up.

And in doing so heard the message “showing up is the prayer.”

Despite the frustration I sometimes feel at the mystery of the divine, I still show up every day, wanting to believe, wanting to connect, wanting to co-create with a power greater than myself.

It didn’t matter that I didn’t have flowery, spiritual things to say that day. I showed up.

And for today, that is enough.

Where in your life are you showing up, even when it’s hard?

Wherever that may be, I bow to you for it.

Love,

Mary