Episode 128 - How to Cultivate A Magnetic State of Mind

Written By Mary Lofgren
 

  • Mary

    Host

    00:49

    Hello and welcome to the Come to your Senses podcast. I'm your host, embodiment-based coach, Mary Lofgren. Here we explore how to live bravely and beautifully through a lifestyle of embodiment. You'll hear gems to empower you around mindset, mindfulness, somatic psychology and neuroscience, as well as beauty, food, style and the art of slow living to meet your soul through the senses. I am so happy that you're here. Let's begin. Hello, beautiful beings, and welcome to Come to your Senses. Welcome to today's episode, which is all about how to cultivate and place yourself into a magnetic state of mind. I just had a call with a client, a coaching call, and we were talking about fears around singing, and singing is something that I am very afraid of, even though I had, I think, like an okay Disney kind of voice. And so if you're listening, darling singing client, that one was for you. I would say I would rather take my clothes off on stage any day than be handed a microphone to sing. But I digress. Today we are here to explore how to build the frequency of magnetism in your entire being through making some changes or some different choices in the patterning of your thoughts. So I'm going to give you kind of a shortcut to the end of the episode and say that magnetism, this mysterious, very honest energy of attraction and action, is not something that really happens in the mind. Magnetism happens through the field of the body. But the paradox of embodiment is that what almost always pulls us out of the body is our thoughts and this habitual, almost compulsive relationship that we modern humans have to try to figure things out rather than feel our way forward. And so, in today's episode, we're going to explore how to make some micro shifts in the stories that you tell yourself, the connector thoughts. We're going to learn about something I call lily pad thoughts that connect your thoughts to one another. You're going to learn how to flirt with your thoughts and see your thoughts, even your most critical, most judgmental, most unempathetic, uncompassionate parts of your brain, which we all have. You are going to toss those babies in a boa, wrap them in silk and seduce yourself into not just a state of believing in your own magnetism, which is essential and important and a starting point, but experiencing your own magnetism as a felt sense through your body. Speaking of boas, this episode is part of a series all about cultivating sensuality, magnetism, seduction and, most of all, play in how you relate to your body, your mind, your style and your life. And these episodes are in honor of my upcoming class called Showgirl Charm School. Showgirl Charm School is a burlesque-based one-day retreat that is happening over Zoom. That also includes all of these delicious appetizers and a moose-boosh delivered throughout the month of September. And in this class, if you enjoy and get something from what you hear here at Come to your Senses, and particularly in these last few episodes, I strongly encourage you to join us, because in this class, I am going to be sharing with you the most precious gems in my collection of how I transformed my own negative self-beliefs and limiting ideas about my body through the sensual arts and through the art of teas and conceal and reveal and eventually becoming a showgirl, which I define as a woman who is unafraid to show all of herself. You know, burlesque in the art of strip teas is a way of getting not just comfortable but turned on by being visible at your most vulnerable. In addition to learning how to seduce yourself through the art of strip teas, you'll also experience the art of romancing food and sensual eating and how to actually amplify your allure with this special technique that I've developed around eating. There are going to be magical glamour rituals. You are going to awaken your inner showgirl archetype and learn how to bring her into every corner of your life, from tassel twirling to teeth brushing. And you know, what I love about this class, and just this experience of being a showgirl, is that it brings together all of the things that our inner child tends to love Music, playing, dress up, performance, laughter, mischief and wraps it up in this delicious, dazzling package of power and femininity. I like to say that burlesque is where I find that feminism and femininity come together. So if your feathers are being fluffed, as you hear me describe so passionately what I am so excited to experience with you on September 9th, head to schoolofsensuallivingcom. Slash showgirl, all one word. You can also find the link for that below this episode. So click the link below this episode and come explore the fascinating and captivating world of feminine sensual expression as you awaken your inner showgirl.

    07:51

    So let's dive into our gems. On a magnetic state of mind, as I shared at the start of the episode, magnetism is this phenomenon of polarity that takes place within the body, and when I say the body, I don't just mean the physical body, but the emotional body, the intellectual body, the energetic body and the way in which, when it comes to something that we desire, we are either in a state of magnetism and moving towards that thing, or inviting that thing to move towards us, or we might be in a state of repulsion or repelling, where we're pushing that thing away, even if it's subconsciously so. A great example of this is when people say, oh, you know, when I stopped looking for my partner, that was when they showed up. Usually, when there's this hypervigilance on the need for a desire, that tinge of desperation or feeling incomplete without this desire and it could be a person, it could be an outcome, it could be a baby, it could be any number of things and then, when there is a relaxation of that grasping, is when a more natural flow of magnetism can sometimes open up. And one of the ways that we impose the biggest C block on our magnetism is through our thoughts and the stories that we tell ourselves. So, for example, if you are a woman who desires to feel sensual and seductive in your everyday life, but you carry a story that you're too in your masculine, or you have a bunch of problems that you need to work out in order for you to feel that way, that may act as an inhibitor to that flow of magnetism opening through your body. And so our first gem starts where all things begin, which is the simple tool of awareness, and so a practice that I highly recommend in your life is when you are wanting to create something, change something. Essentially, magnetize something is that you get a journal and you write down every single belief, from every single nook and cranny, all the dust, bunnies and hairballs that come calling late at night when you're up awake, wondering why there's an empty place next to you, or whatever. Because these stories are operating in the subconscious, and the point of this exercise is not to change them, not to beat them away with a stick. It is actually to welcome them and give them a place where they can express. So, by taking pen to paper and giving yourself the somatic experience of writing them out on a page, it's like they don't have to get their need for expression met through your subconscious beliefs and behaviors, because we have brought them into the light and from there we have the opportunity to make some different decisions about what you might want to believe about this aspect of your life. So what I would suggest is that when you write out this list is, let's say I did this exercise recently around money and all the hairball beliefs that tell me I'm not allowed to make money, I'll be betraying my family, all these different ideas that float about in my subconscious. And the impulse when you see a long list like this is going to be to fix an overhaul. You know, our fixer muscle is like the incredible Hulk bursting its biceps, bursting out of your t-shirt. And what we have a little bit less experience with in the more underdeveloped muscle is the energy and the skill of taking that one belief, cradling it in your hands like it was a mason jar with fireflies and holding it in curiosity. So let's say I chose to take the belief of I would be betraying my family if I really made it financially you know, made it to where I would like to be financially. And again the impulse is to like, analyze this and blame my family and all this kind of stuff. But it's like in the palm, the open palm of compassion and curiosity. It's like well, is that true? And if it's true, how do I know it's true? And if it's not true, what am I getting from believing this? Oh, I'm getting to avoid the vulnerability of taking risks and being vulnerable around my financial life and around earning and etc. Etc. And from that place we have the opportunity to shape a belief into something less rigid. And so, when it comes to our mindset and our thoughts, once again that fixer is wildly in love with the pendulum swing. It loves scooping up all those beliefs and setting them right. And to the subconscious mind, this is 1-800-SELF-SABOTAGE, because the mind has a lot of shit going on and if we try to throw at it this pendulum swing from one belief to its opposite, it's going to buckle under the weight of that. And so a way to work with the mind, in the way the mind is really built and the way in which the mind is really quite malleable in this way, is to take this one belief and add a lily pad thought to it. So if on one side is this belief of I have too much to do and on the other side is the belief of life is in flow and I flow with it and my worth is not attached to my productivity, so there's really nothing to do because we're all going to die anyway. This is a peek behind the velvet curtain of my own brain, but you know, in that valley that exists between those two mountain peaks. It's like a lily pad. Thought would be one little lily pad you can hop on to move yourself a few inches in the direction of peace and ease and magnetism and away from this feeling of overwhelm. And so an example of a lily pad thought might be I have too much to do, and the lily pad thought would be but I can take a breath right now. Or I have too much to do and I can pause here and be discerning about what I do next, or I have too much to do or so much to do and what's most important is what's in front of me right now, because that's how anything gets done is just by doing the one thing that's in front of us right now. So that is. Your first gem, my friend, is what stories am I telling myself? Holding those stories in curiosity and then, from the softness and pliability of that curiosity, moving and shaping your thoughts in the direction of magnetism through lily pads. That was really more like three gems, but I know you can handle it.

    17:19

    Okay. The next gem is flirting with your thoughts, and so you might be a big fan of affirmations. I sometimes find affirmations to be a bit cheesy and and kind of feel like what we were talking about earlier, which is that pendulum swing, and it's just a little bit too much for my brain to handle. I feel like I'm trying to convince myself of something. But, like anything in life, when we bring in the spell of the sensuous, our sense of ease and attraction is heightened. So, for example, you might be working with a belief of I'm not enough, I'm not good enough, nothing I do is enough, and a typical affirmation might be I am enough. And notice how that lands in your body I am enough. You might want to think it or speak it out loud, and now I invite you to state the affirmation I breathe enoughness. Perhaps the belief that you are working with is that you're awkward. You feel awkward in your body and so trying on the affirmation of my body moves like honey If you are in an important meeting, and you might carry the affirmation of I belong here. If you're feeling a little insecure, perhaps you might try on conversations with me, or like peach nectar dripping down your arms on a summer's day. And so again, we're bringing in this tool of affirmations, which is proven to change our state of being and the way that we identify and we're adding in this element of sensuality and cheekiness and flirtation which, as I just even say those words, I can feel the magnetism heightening in my body.

    19:46

    And the third gem is actually a game that we are gonna be playing at Showgirl Charm School. So I'm going to execute the art of teas by telling you about it but not delivering it until you come closer, and so that's where we will leave our gems today. And the last thing I wanna share is coming back to this reality, which is that magnetism happens in the body. When I used to teach for less classes, I used to teach this class called Body Love, burlesque, and I would see this all the time. My classes would take place on a Friday night, usually in Chelsea, manhattan, chelsea Studios. Go Chelsea Studios. And women would come in Friday night, freaking, exhausted, winter, puffy coats in a pile, frazzled, and through this experience of seeing their bodies take on the ancient shapes of seduction and watching other bodies transcend and strip teas off the limiting beliefs and ideas about what is and isn't allowed based on your age, your body type, your achievements or lack of achievements, your trauma, history, transcending all of that with the bump of a hip and the wink of an eye and the peel of a glove. These women, who came in frazzled with bags under their eyes and a general pallor of gray about their skin, afterwards would leave bubbly and alive and on fire with passion, going to drink champagne at the rainbow room, suddenly having the energy to go and live their lives and showgirl charm. School, as with all of the services that I offer here at Come to your Senses, are designed to do exactly that help you reclaim a sense of your own aliveness through an everyday experience of sensuality. So, schoolofsensuallivingcom, slash showgirl early. Babe. Bonuses expire this week and the last day to enroll is September 6th, my loves. So hop on this rhinestone carousel pony and let's go for a ride. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode and I will see you next week. Ciao.

    22:43

    For coaching classes and community in creating a lifestyle of embodiment, head to schoolofsensuallivingcom. There you'll find a free video series on how to reduce anxiety and intercept the stress response through powerful, confident body language. Head to schoolofsensuallivingcom slash confidence to watch your first video today.

This morning I looked at myself in the mirror upon waking.

“Damn, I look great!” I thought, as I stared back at myself wearing only my cotton undies. 

This was in stark difference to the thoughts I’d had about my appearance the day before, where my inner critic compared my reflection to Danny Devito as Mr. Penguin in Batman Returns. (That inner critic…I swear she needs her own late night tv show!) 

The stories we tell ourselves shape our entire lives.  

Just a shift in thought can change the storyline from forlorn to fabulous.

And in today’s episode, we are turning a fresh page in the story of your own magnetism. 

While magnetism’s true domain is the body, what most often moves us towards or away from magnetism is our thoughts. 

Today on the pod you’ll discover how to interrupt and gently shift thought patterns that dampen your magnetism, and warm them up fireside to something brown, toasty and delicious. 

Come cultivate the garden of your thoughts and curate the magnetic wonder of your mind.

 

SHARE THIS EPISODE

 
Mary Lofgren
Previous

Episode 129 - How To Savor The Tension of Wanting
Next

Episode 127 - Legendary Women Who Seduced The World (& How You Can Too)